Birth Order

Birth order or child order theories and research have brought a lot of controversies and interesting findings for a number of decades. Some people believe that the position one takes in the siblings' arrival moulds their character and determines their future. I must say I have my own myths about the independence of first born kids, the attention seeking middle children and the overly nurtured and spoilt last born kids.

These myths are not always the case. My elder sister (first born) was very independent, confident and very popular. One of my mom's last born children is a bit of a brat, does everything to get his way and even at 21 has my mom wrapped in his little finger. His twin is quite independent without any trace of being a last born. This makes me doubt that there can be a truth in any generalization about any two different people. Anyway it could happen that on average the research findings have an element of truth.

The only child is always expected to be spoilt and hopelessly dependent on his/ her parents by birth order theorists. This is not always the case though. I have an only child colleague who is very independent and quite responsible.

An only child can also be very independent because she/he had to learn to be on his/ her own and start new things. Most of us rely not only on our parents for support but mostly on our siblings. After having kids we get our siblings to help relieve us at times. When we are lonely or ill we can go and be nurtured by our siblings.

The first child is always special especially before other siblings join. First borns are believed to be smarter and high achieving than their younger siblings. Birth order researchers and other scientists have recent findings of first children having a very high IQ, higher qualifications and better job opportunities compared to their siblings. This may be true as most parents push their first child to strive beyond their capabilities. They never become children for long enough. They usually go to school and complete at an earlier age than their younger siblings and are constantly reminded to grow up and stop behaving like small kids, when they actually are small kids.

Middle Child is expected to be a rebel and a problem child. I remember how much my aunt termed her middle child son a problem child. I know how not to be special as I am a middle child. You are neither first nor last. You are just one of the daughters and your first day at school is not that special either. Overall, middle children are very flexible and non-resistant to change. They may also feel very unloved.

The Youngest Child is always labeled spoilt and irresponsible. The last born is usually a pet of the family. He pleases only himself and take chances that the elder siblings would not take. Your last child may take the jobs that are not following the formal routes. They may be in creative industries and even change their studies before completing more than once. This is mainly because parents seldom put pressure on a last born to grow up and to do things for themselves.

If you have children you owe it to each of them to treat them equally. The birth order characters are influenced by the way the kids are raised. Try to give your children equivalent quality time. It is good for their self esteem.

Born to Rebel: Birth Order, Family Dynamics, and Creative Lives, by Sulloway

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