Dating After Divorce

Dating after divorce or end of a relationship is possible and can lead to a “happily ever after” that we all dream of. It does not seem like it right after an ugly break-up. But a break up simply means a new healthier beginning.

Having said all that, there are rules for dating the second time around. Whilst every dating has its ups and downs, the dating after divorce is usually full of baggage. There is an ex, his/ her family and sometimes children. There could be a lot more than just relationships, like financial problems, bitterness, resentment and maybe self hatred.

Rules to Successful Dating After Divorce

1. Healing: Before considering any form of relationships after your break-up or divorce, get completely healed from your past . There are stages that we all go through after any traumatic experience. We go through denial (trying to make it work); anger; resentment; grief; acceptance (thinking of moving on); forgiveness and moving on. Dating before you reach the forgiveness stage is more harmful because you are not totally healed and will not make a good partner. It’s actually not fair on your new partner. So if you haven’t already, get some professional therapy.

2. Honesty: Your prospective partner deserves to know about your break up. If it comes up, address it honestly but not necessarily with too much detail.

3. Confidence: A divorce and any other break-up is failure. It has a negative impact on your self esteem. You have to acknowledge that and work on your self confidence. Re-build your confidence and be your true self again. It will actually make the dating much more easy.

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4. Relax: Don’t be too anxious about what your date thinks about you, how old you look, etc. Take the dating very easy. Please, make arrangements with family for your kids, if you have any. There is nothing as bad as thinking about one’s kids to spoil the date. As another precautionary measure, ask the child-minder to call you only if its absolutely necessary. If your teens are shouting at each other, I think that can wait.

5. Communication: In any dating, listening is a skill. Pay attention, show interest, give feedback and make the other person feel special too.

6. Patience: The first person is not necessarily “the one”. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. If you are lonely you need some help to get out of that state. You should never feel lonely, whether you are with someone or not. Every individual is complete by themselves. Being alone is not equivalent to being desperate. Therefore, wait for as long as it takes to get the “right” person. You are worth it.

7. After a Date: Thank your date a day or so after dinner. You may call or even buy a bunch of flowers. You will know what is right at the time.

8. Enjoy: Just enjoy yourself. The idea is to have fun and be comfortable with the person you are with. IIf you have kids, I’ll advise you to read our Step parenting page. All the best.

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