Dealing with Rejection

Everyone will be dealing with rejection at some point in his/ her life. Rejection is just one of those things in life especially for teens/ teenagers. We all want acceptance and love but it’s not always possible to have it all.

It is a sad feeling being on the receiving end of rejection. The truth is, we ourselves may have made someone feel rejected in the past. It could be the shy girl in Grade 3, the boy with ugly breakouts in junior high school or the clumsy girl in the baseball team. It is indeed painful being rejected and rejecting is inflicting that pain on someone else.

Dealing With Rejection from Home

Sometimes parents have unintended favoritism or imbalanced love given to their children. Your blonde blue eyed sister or intelligent sibling may be getting all the attention, whilst you are a rejected brunette. Sometimes the most needy and struggling child gets all the attention as parents go all out to assist him/ her. Whilst this sounds reasonable, it’s the most common mistake parents make when raising their kids. Sometimes you were just born at the wrong time, like the bad luck of the middle child or the burden forced on the first born.

The Plan

As this is not done with the intention to ignore you, you need to speak out. Your parents probably don’t realize that they are making you feel like an outcast. Bring it to heir attention. Be very polite in your approach acknowledging that they love you a lot.

Don’t be confrontational or accusing but state how you feel clearly in your approach. Don’t say “you love so and so and not me” but say “I feel I don’t get as much attention as …” or “It hurts me that you don’t make time for my ballet rehearsals whilst you always attend so and so’s baseball practice”. They surely love you and will address your concerns. It may take time before you reap the rewards, but it will happen.

Dealing With Rejection from Peers

This must be the most common and severe form of rejection, especially among teenagers. Teens can be mean and selfish. You may be the best behaved of your peers and get rejected precisely for that. Rejection is usually not about you or what you have done. Even the friends you stood up for, may later dump you and hurt you deeply.

Always remember that some rejection is because some people can sacrifice anything to be seen as cool and popular. They never think for themselves but follow the crowd and do what others are doing. If a “bad group” wants you out, they never deserved a friend like you. Most people will reject you to boost their own self esteem . If they humiliate you, it makes them feel bigger, talk about damaging characters. Then there is jealousy. And yes some reject you because they just want to be you.

The Plan

Be your own person first. You will never make good and meaningful friendships if you are not comfortable in your own skin. Love yourself and appreciate your qualities. Others will love you too. Self appreciation and assertiveness is very attractive in a person. Also be considerate of others and make everyone feel special.

Dealing with Rejection in Love

We sometimes fall for those who never love us back. It may happen that a guy or girl you are interested in has dumped you for another person. That is part of life. You need to accept it and move on with your life. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Choose not to live your life trying to stay close to those who don’t want you in their lives.

The Plan

As much as having a boyfriend/ girlfriend may seem cool, it is not the most important thing in life. Be happy with whom you are and keep your focus on things that really matter to you. If someone rejects you, she/ he is not worth your time or grief. You are worth better than them and your friends and family will always be there. Keep busy with your future, school work, friendships and extra-mural activities.

Now look back at your life and identify what could scare people away from you. It could be your character or any other thing that you need to deal with. Is there anything that you don’t like about yourself? If there is, deal with it now. Learn how to perfect the art of relating with others. It is a skill we need to continuously work on. Dealing with rejection starts with you.

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