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Getting Over a Break-upGetting over a break-up is amongst the biggest emotional challenges in life. Going through the emotional states of anger, feelings of betrayal, resentment, hatred and failure takes its toll in one’s life. This is surprisingly true for even the relationships that are abusive and stressful.
Blame shifting. There are also issues about who left whom when couples are getting over a break-up. People hold on to relationships that don’t work just not to take the blame for the failure. And when they are left their partners they are the ones who suffer the most. The truth is that sometimes the partner who left did the other one a favor. But we never see it that way. We always think, “We would work things out somehow”.
It will get better. When I got out of a horrible relationship, I cried myself to sleep for days. I knew the relationship was wrong for me but I still wished it worked. I accepted defeat and moved on. What an amazing feeling. We were so wrong for each other even though we both loved each other so much. Makes one wonder, why love is not enough. Time really heals, I look back and thank God I got out of the relationship everyday. The best part is that I forgave him and we even have the odd once in a year chats. I was invited in his wedding but politely turned the invite down because I was not ready to put my husband through all that.
You have a right to be angry. You may join a gym and hit a treadmill, get a punch bag and hit it with all your energy, still hurts. Allow yourself to grieve and most importantly talk. Tell your partner how you feel about it and apologize if you need to. Talk to your friends and family about your feelings. Someone will listen and nothing is as healing as talking.
Get professional help. You are most likely to need someone to help you deal with your divorce. Divorce is like a loss. An outsider will be able to be objective and hold your hand throughout your grief. Getting over a break-up does need some experise.
Get to the state of forgiveness. Forgive your partner and you will most likely need to forgive yourself too. “it takes two to tango”. In every break-up, both parties have played a role in a way. You may have been abused and actually let the other person abuse you. Forgiving yourself is actually the most difficult part but essential for eventually getting over a break-up.
Cut ties completely if you have to. Some people would insist on doing their old relationship rituals whilst out of the relationship. Build new memories and a new life. Let go of the past completely. The only exception is when the are children involved. You are therefore bound to be stuck with your ex for life. Make the best of it and keep your children’s lives as normal as possible.
Don’t miss the lesson. Every breakup has a lesson. Learn something that will save your future relationships. What went wrong? How did I contribute? If I were to start again, what would I change? Those are some of the questions you need to ask yourself.
Give yourself enough time. Don’t be tempted to get into another relationship soon after the break-up. Get completely healed and happy with yourself before you involve another person in your life. It may end up being very messy. And YES you can successfully date after getting over a divorce.
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