Life-Changing Events: My Personal Story

It is always nice to think about a life-changing event in a nice way. Winning lottery, getting a well deserved break, etc. Any life-changing situation can be a blessing, if only we had time to look at the good of it all.

I am a mom of two very precious kids. My daughter was born just more than 19 months after my son was born. I never planned my daughter’s conception but immediately my gynaecologist announced, “it’s a girl”, I was a happiest girl I know. I started calling friends and family, shopping for small pink dresses like all pregnant women do.

My life-changing event came on the 34th week in my pregnancy. I still vividly remember the specialist’s voice; “there’s definitely something wrong with the baby”. It was as if my world crumbled before me. If my husband was not there with me, I don’t know how I would find my way home. My unborn daughter was diagnosed with spina-bifida and hydrochephalus (menongiocele). The words I was hearing for the first time.

I struggled to remain a strong girl I knew myself to be. I felt the need to be strong for everyone. I continued to comfort those who felt sad for me. I actually never went through the stage of showing the pain and anger I truly going through. That day I lost the daughter I was expecting, the pretty picture of a perfect baby I had in my mind. I felt the loss and it was not less painful than the literal loss of a child.

A few weeks that follow were full of doctors awful messages. “You have to abort this baby”; “do you know what this multiple abnormality mean”; “do you understand how difficult this will be”; “even if you don’t abort, your baby will definitely be a still-born” and a lot worse statements that I had to take with a straight face and my head held up high.

My princess was born at the right time. A perfect angel, and yes with the spina bifida. My first look at her had me sigh, “I made a right choice”. That day I gained back a daughter I lost, but this time she was more special. She has surprised every one, and next month my princess is celebrating her 3rd birthday.

She spent the first year of her life in and out of hospital, surgery after surgery. A very trying time for my family. For the whole year, I was there being Mrs Strong. Its as if I was promised a medal for pulling through this without falling apart. I tried really hard and yes everyone was impressed with me, everyone was at ease. What I never took note of, was that my life did tell a different story. For my daughter’s first year I never enjoyed all the good things that came my way. And believe me a lot of good things happened to me. Despite the brave face I put, nothing excited me. I felt so bothered by all what was meant to cheer me up. Looking back, I feel so sorry for not appreciating all what my family and friends did to make my life easier.

My mom called me last month. I don’t know what I would be without my mom. She told me that my younger sister and brother confided in her in confidence. They were saying that I have changed; I am no longer that caring big sister who would put everyone else before herself. It was sad listening to my mom tell me all this. She later said, “I told them that you are going through a lot, and you are not a super-person they expect you to be”. As if that was not enough, she added, “I told that that even to me you sometimes behave so strangely and not as caring as I know you to be. You sound so pre-occupied and not attentive”. As my mom was explaining what I have turned to be, I knew it was true. I have been changed by my situation.

I never wished my daughter were not there; I am doing all in my power to make her life special and easy; I feel special for God to trust me with my baby’s life; but I never thought of me. Its after my long conversation with my mom that I looked back, some three years back. I am no longer the same. My elder sister who has always been my best friend also told me this. I had some other few hiccups on the way as well. I looked at myself and thought, “I need professional help”. I am grateful to have what I have and I embrace the fact that my life will never be the same again. With every challenge comes an opportunity, with every door that closes, another opens. Allow your life-changing situation to be your blessing.

I will appreciate it if you can share a summary of your own life-changing event below. We will publish your story and we don’t need your contact details.