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Single ParentingSingle parenting is definitely on the increase internationally. This escalation is not surprising, given the increase in the divorce statistics.
I just had a telephone conversation with a divorced single-parent friend of mine. Taking care of 3 kids single handedly is no child’s play. As I was asking politely how she is coping, I was impressed by her energy. She has two jobs and a successful new business with a paid employee who has a company car. I was so impressed yet concerned about the time she spends with the kids. She softened me by saying, “Soso, I’m a single parent; I have to make ends meet”.
My friend is only one of millions of women who find themselves with kids to take care of and a limited salary if any at all. Similarly to my friend’s case, ex husbands get married very soon after the divorce in most cases and never look back. In some cases parents choose to go it solo and in others it’s a result of death of a partner.
Most parents waste their time fighting instead of dealing with the challenge at hand. One has to give the grieving process its time without depriving the kids of their other parent. Co-parenting has huge benefits even if the family is not living under one roof. It’s difficult to imagine how one individual can see to it that three young kids are fed, bathed, tucked in their beds, loved and entertained. It’s after talking to this friend that I thought twice about another friend who is in a bad marriage. Divorce is not always what’s best. Having a partner, no matter how little their contribution, makes all the difference.
How to Cope with Single Parenting. 1. Try to get over the divorce or death grief as soon as you can. Get professional counseling and forgive yourself and your partner and focus on your new roles. Holding on to grudges will only make matters worse for you. 2. Keep the other parent informed of the children’s issues like sporting events and birthday parties. You are doing it both for you and your kids. Having a healthy relationship with both parents gives kids a good balance. 3. In cases where there are new partners, be sensitive not to offend a stepparent to your kids. 4. Avoid using your kids to spite on the other parent and/ or stepparent. 5. Put your kid’s welfare first. Forming new relationships and dating after divorce is healthy, but your children should be your priority. 6. If you DO get married again, make sure your children are ready for that. Some decisions will need you to be very selfless. Introduce your new partner to your kids gradually and let him/ her form some bond with them before you exchange vows. 7. Grab any opportunity to get support. Have your parent and other willing family members baby-sit for you, whilst you get time to yourself. 8. Take care of yourself in order to be a good parent to your children. A good exercise program will go a long way to give you the energy you need. 9. If you feel you are not coping, join a single-parent support group or appoint a psychologist. 10. Sometimes parents get back together and re-marry. Do it for the right reasons. Iron out the initial conflicts and disagreements which led to the divorce.
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